From The Outside

So i figured i'd throw this up becuase though it's an "air force" website we're here to support and share with the families also whats going on and our expieriences. this will be short but i just wanted to say that at this moment right now it still doesn't seem real. it feels like stephanie just signed her papers at meps yesterday and that tomorrow she can't be getting on the air plane.

It feels as though 6 months just ~~snaps fingers~~ disappeared when i blinked. When I think about it I feel like yesterday i was telling her about what to expect at MEPS and about the 'hurry up and wait' attitude they love to impart on all their visitors.

I'm so very proud of her for taking this step forward and doing what makes her happy. But I can't help but feeling Shock. Is it really that time yet. Goodness it ran up on me.

I can only hope that for me, in my perception of time, BMT goes by so quickly.

but yeah thats whats going on right now. i'm dreading letting go of her tomorrow when we hug.

take kare all
---michael

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Permalink Reply by Lesa Shelton on February 24, 2009 at 8:50am: Oh, Michael, you brought tears to my eyes. I can identify with what you are feeling...to a point. It is still a few months before my son ships out, but I am already feeling the "panic" of losing my baby. I think this site will become so much more important for those of us "left behind". Thank you for sharing.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Michael light on February 24, 2009 at 5:40pm: so she left today and i cried alot.. and even as i type i can't help but cry... i miss her..

i'm so happy she's doing this but i still miss her so much..

i do have to say though it does help alot knowing that i can still talk to her family. even when we were leaving the MEPS station after she left while i was drying my face off, her dad patted me on the shoulder and said "this gives us another thing to talk about". it felt good to hear that becuase it reminded me that i'm not the only here, and there are friends and family who i can talk to when her being away gets overwhelming.

i'm so proud of her and i know that she's doing an amazing thing.

And Lesa, I agree this site will/has become important for those of us left behind.

i'll be posting as i hear from her.

thanks all
---michael; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sunlitgoldpony on February 24, 2009 at 10:02pm: I feel your pain; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sgt Terry (Network Creator) on February 25, 2009 at 8:48pm: I have been on both sides of the fence here. I had to leave family and friends behind and I have seen both of my boys off. I would have to say it was easier (not easy) to be the one leaving rather than the watching them leave. I cried like a baby both times my boys left. I also cried at both their graduations from basic and boot. My thoughts are with you as well as Stephanie. She is on her way to a great adventure with ups and downs. While she is rocking and rolling in basic we are here for you at Air Force Dads, go ahead and lean on us, we have big shoulders.
Sgt Terry; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Michael light on March 9, 2009 at 4:38pm: UPDATE...

So it's been a week and a half since she left. This is the first day of her week 2.

I've been sending letters everyday since this past Wednesday. Trying to be as supportive as possible. Usually in the letters I give her a quick highlight of my day and tell her i love her and miss her and that i'm proud of her for following her dream. I am very proud of her for following this dream. Especially one with so much change to take on.

I try to make sure that it's more visible that i'm proud of her. I don't want her to dwell on the missing her part becuase as hard as it is for me, i don't want her to even be worrying about it. (i'm here for her permanantly, as long as this takes with technical school and everything.. she's the girl i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. i'm convinced of it.)...

Well I've been keeping busy with writing letters, sending them, getting a job in her bakery, taking care of Gretchen(her dog... well mine while she's away :P ), and just trying to keep my mind elsewhere as to help time move faster(which doesn't seem like it's working).

I had orientation for publix both saturday and sunday and at the end of the sunday orientation i started to feel a nervous nauseous feeling in my stomach. I originally attributed it to the fact that i didn't want to work at publix, it's just a guaranteed paycheck right now while she's in basic and school.

This morning i woke up and the feeling was still there, when i was at my moms i started to realize its not the working at publix that was getting me, it's the working at her publix in her bakery without her that started to get me. All at once everything i'd been putting out of my mind hit me and i couldn't control my voice and within moments my eyes were watering. I only "cried" for a minute or so before i was able to gain control of myself but its still in me. i feel it.

It's alot harder than i realized. Being without her. I don't think i really accepted it until today. Every thought that passes through my head is of her. And that makes it so much harder because i miss her so much. I mean seriously what i would give for just a hug. 1 hug. I can't wait until graduation.

I think what really made me realize that she's there is that I have no idea when i might get a letter from her. and it's not so much the recieving the letter from her part. its the knowing that she's recieving my letters... i know she knows i love her but idk. i just wish graduation was here already because i miss her so much and i know it's selfish but i really wish that. I just want to tell her i love her and hug her.

When someone leaves even for as short a period of time as 8.5 weeks it feels like forever. I can tell you right now.. it feels like that beating thing in my chest(my heart) got in the shuttle to the airport on my birthday when she left.. i feel like i'm lost and not whole. Before they leave you might think you said "I Love You" too much, but let me tell you when they're gone you'll wish you told them more and you'll want too... So make sure you tell them all the time...

Sorry for my rant... thats where i'm at right now... i've 7 weeks till i get that hug and it can't come soon enough. I miss her I love her and I'm proud of her. I just hope she knows.
---michael; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Michael light on April 2, 2009 at 12:37am: 21 days till i get to see her agian :D so close

Michael light said:; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Lesa Shelton on April 3, 2009 at 7:41am: Michael, I just want to pick you up and hold you like one of my kids! Thank you for being so open and honest with us. I wish I had something I could say to make you feel better, but I think we all know that only one person can make you feel better. Hang in there, kiddo, we're here for you. Lesa; ▶ Reply to This